Hail Mary Sue
by Maran Zelde
Summary: Join me as I make fun of Mary Sues. 'Tis great fun. [Revised]
1. What's New, Mary Sue?

_A/N: Well, it's been a couple of years, so I figured I'd go back and polish this thing up a little. The biggest change is the conversation between Dib and Marisu. Originally Dib says his mom is in a jar, because I had read somewhere that Jhonen said that, and I fell in love with the idea. But now I'm not sure if he really did say that (my source was unofficial), and Eric Trueheart's idea of Dib and Gaz being experiments sounds more fitting. So...See how I changed it accordingly, and see if you can spot the "Grinch" reference. _

Even though I like to make fun of Tak for being Mary Sue-ish, I still like her as a character. She's a lot less annoying than 95 percent of original characters, and she inadvertently gave Dib a space ship. Therefore she gets my approval.

Disclaimer: Invader Zim is owned by Nick (although they don't deserve him), and everyone owns Mary Sue (come on, admit it).

Another horrible day in Ms. Bitters' class was interrupted quite suddenly when a gorgeous, stunning, beautiful, radiant, and not to mention really kawaii girl graced the room with her prescence.

"Class, it looks like yet a _another_ new student is joining us," Bitters rasped.

"That's the third one this week!" Melvin exclaimed.

"And it's only Tuesday," added the Letter M.

"Yes, we have gone through an obscene amount of students this year, haven't we?" She paused to peruse her seating chart. Everyone waited with baited breath, hoping that this lovely and totally awesome new girl would get to sit next to them. And also that they wouldn't be sent to the underground classroom.

"Alex is absent today; you can have her desk." The ancient creature pointed to the empty chair in the third row.

Zim stood on his desk and raised his claws.

"Yes, Zim?"

"Sir, isn't there a rule that all new students must sit in the first two rows?"

"Oh, how silly of me," Bitters said dryly. "All right, Poonchy, YOU move to Alex's seat, and YOU-"

"Marisu," said the girl, her voice as smooth as a greased piglet.

"Right . . . YOU will take Poonchy's seat." Poonchy reluctantly moved to the backhe was still kind of new himself, after alland Marisu stepped elegantly to her seat beside Zim.

And now for a lengthy, fashionably late description of Marisu's appearance! Because I know you're all just DYING to hear EVERY MINUTE DETAIL! (pant, pant)

Ahem.

She was aproximately 5'6", which in the real world is close to average for a twelve year-old, but in the Jhonenverse it's freakishly tall. But no one cared about this, as they were too busy gazing at the long, lush, green locks that framed her powder white face. Perched on her cute little nose were oval shaped glasses, which magnified her sparkling blue-green eyes that shined with intelligence and hidden depth and sorrow.

But that's not all! I still have to tell you about her adorable gothic CLOTHES! (I know that sounds wierd, but trust me, Marisu can make ANY outfit look adorable.)

She wore a calf-length, completely lint-free black dress over her anorexic body. In addition, she had black bootsa must for any new girl in Zim's class, doncha know. Silver gloves protected her delicate hands, and she had on a black backpack with silver spots (hmmmm, I wonder . . .) Around her swanlike neck hung a silver frog pendant. The author isn't sure what significance the frog has, but wouldn't ya know it, she just happens to have one exactly like Marisu's. Small world, eh?

Sure . . .

At any rate, everyone thought Marisu was just the neatest thing since artificial sweetener!

The new chick squeezed her legs under the desk with some difficultynot because they were fat, mind you, but because they were so dang long! Zim couldn't stop staring at them. This female was quite attractive for a human. Marisu caught him staring at her, and she winked.

"You're cute."

Zim felt his heart melt. Good thing he always kept a spare in his Pak. No, of course he didn't mind being called "cute," you knucklehead! Who on earth or Irk wouldn't love to be called cute by the perfect Marisu?

Dib leaned over Aki's desk (much to Aki's dismay) and eyed his enchanting new classmate. "So, Marisu, do you have some mysterious past you'd like to share with us?"

Marisu smiled, eager for a chance to display her straight, shiny teeth. They were so shiny, in fact, that poor Aki went temporarily blind. But no one cares about her, as she is merely an expendable extra.

"I can't tell you about my past yet, Dib. Gotta keep the readers hooked, you know?" Don't ask how she knows Dib's name. She just does.

Later, at lunch, Marisu decided to sit with Zim. Why not, he's only the second most hated kid in skool. Some of the other students wanted to sit with Marisu, and were even willing to put up with Zim for a half hour. But she very politely informed them that she wished to speak with Zim privately. The children obliged, but cast envious looks Zim's way all through lunch.

Marisu's slim legs easily slid under the table. She stared at the Irken solefully and said, "Zim, I'd like for you to be the first to know about my mysterious background."

Zim felt honored that such a fine female specimen would open up to him, and rightly so. He leaned forward in interest. "Let me guess. You're Irken."

Marisu's shapely mouth opened a few inches. "Why Zim, how ever did you guess?"

"You'd be surprised how many Irkens have come to this skool," he replied, shrugging in a surprisingly human manner.

"Oh, I see."

Zim studied her for about the 210th time. "Nice disguise."

Marisu blushed. Well, it was really just a hologram of a blush; all of her human beauty was only a hologram. But did Zim care? You bet your spooch he didn't! "So, anything else you'd like to talk about?"

"Well, I'm the daughter of Tallest Red and Purple."

Zim nodded knowingly. "Yes, we've had a few of Tallest Purple's daughters here . . . " His lense covered optic implants bulged as he took in the whole of what she'd just said. "Wait, you're the daughter of both Red AND Purple!" He said this a little...okay, _way_ too loudly, bringing curious stares from everyone in the room.

"Eh heh. Don't mind me, earth stink. Carry on with your ingestion."

Most of the children shrugged and went back to whatever it was they were doing.

"Eh, sorry about that," Zim said with a sheepish look that would have been much more fitting on Dib. "So tell me, how is it possible for the Tallest to reproduce?"

"I don't know." Marisu spread her dainty hands. "It's not really something I want to think about, you know?"

Zim wisely changed the subject, not wanting to make the angelic girl feel uncomfortable. "So, what brings you here?"

Marisu's dazzling eyes turned down, worry beginning to etch her pasty...I mean porcelain features. "I came to seek refuge. You see, an evil Irken named Tak is trying to kill me."

"Tak!" Zim's eyes glowed with anger. "That lying, thieving bleep tried to steal my mission, but I sent her flying into the void of space! You have no need to fear her, Marisu."

The female shook her pretty little head. "No, you're wrong, Zim. Tak has acquired a new ship."

Zim lowered an "eyebrow" quizzically. "How do you know this?"

"She rear-ended my custom-made black and silver Spittle Runner after a good old-fashioned ship chase. Do you have any idea how much monies it'll cost to get it fixed?" Big fat tears rolled down her gauntI mean slender face.

Zim pulled her into a comforting hug. Being completely in character, he patted her back. "Don't worry, Marisu, Zim'll make it all better." (The author is trying very hard to keep her lunch down she writes this.) "I'll fix your ship, and I'll protect you from that mean old Tak, too." Marisu looked up with tear stained (but still very nice looking!) eyes.

"You-you will?"

"Of course I will! I'd do anything for you, Marisu!"

The pale young lady suddenly grinned maliciously in an unexpected change of character. "Aaannythiiiiinnng?" She caught Zim staring at her, his face the picture of total confusion. "Uh...that is...oh, thankyou, Zim!" Her evil expression disappeared and was forgotten by all in a split second. "I **knew** I could count on you!" She gave him an extra squeeze, nearly snapping the poor Irken's spine.

Once Zim had sufficiently recovered, he asked, "Why does Tak want to kill you?"

Marisu sniffed. "She's jealous of me because I'm prettier, nicer, smarter, and a better Invader than she'll ever be!" And she's modest, to boot!

"So true," agreed Zim, gazing into her shimmering marine eyes.

All of the kids wanted to play with Marisu at recess, so she organized the biggest game of duck duck goose you ever did see! She was about to start tapping peple when Dib confronted her.

"What's the deal with you and Zim?" he demanded. "First you sit with him at lunch, then you tell him you're the daughter of Red and Purple, whoever they are. I bet you're an alien just like him!"

Marisu sighed and laid a hand gently on his shoulder. "Dib, there's something you should know . . ." She turned to their classmates. "Can you start playing without us? I need to speak with Dib alone."

Zim's blue eyes narrowed. "What are you telling that worm baby that you can't say in front of Zim!"

"I'm sorry, Zim," she said patiently, "but you already had a chance to hear part of my strange yet fascinating past. Now it's Dib's turn."

The short Irken fumed. "I'd kill you right now, _earth_ monkey, but you might get blood on Marisu's dress!"

"Bring it on, space boy!"

The taller Irken stepped between them. "Stop! Don't you see? You should be fighting Tak, not each other!"

Dib gave Marisu his trademark confused look that makes Dib fangirls drool. Or something. "Didn't we get rid of her?"

"Not permenantly. She has a new ship now, and she has sworn to kill me!"

None of the other children were aware of this conversation; in fact they were already playing without her. She had asked them to, and they couldn't possibly deny her request.

Dib asked Marisu why Tak was trying to take her life, and the charming female Irken told him what she'd told Zim. This time she managed to get through the tragic tale without crying, though her eyes were a bit moist.

But she still wanted to share her **other** secret with Dib, so she lead him to a bench where Gaz happened to be playing her Gameslave 2. Apparently, the sensible Gaz hadn't _yet_ been affected by Marisu's spell.

The comely young lady drew a deep breath for added drama before spilling her BIG SECRET.

"Dib, I . . . am your mother."

Dib gave her a blank look. "I'm sorry, what? It sounded like you said you were my mother, but that doesn't make sense, because my mother is a jar."

Marisu blinked, not expecting this answer, but she quickly plunged ahead. "Oh, no, Dib," she spoke with the sincerity of a delluded three year-old. "You couldn't possibly have come from a jar. How could your head have fit into it? Hm?"

"Um, well, I guess it was a big jar . . . Hey!" he cried, realizing he'd fallen into some sort of verbal trap.

"Don't be angry, Dib," she said soothingly. "I really am your real, true, non-artificial mother! Your father probably just told you the jar story to avoid telling you where babies _really_ come from!"

"I've known that since I was seven!" he said indignantly. "But Gaz and I weren't born the normal way. We were part of an experiment to see if babies could be grown in artificially."

"Ah!" she cried like one who had just thought up a lie and thought it up quick. "Why, my sweet little Dib. I know what must have happened. Your father must have put my eggs in jars and incubated them there! That's pretty much what they do on Irk you know. Yes, and _you_ came from one of those eggs, Son!"

She couldn't have been more wrong. You see, sometimes Marisu makes stuff up to get attention. We've all known people like that, right? But looking into Marisu's entrancing eyes, Dib finally gave himself over to illogic and believed her. Heck, most people would believe Marisu if she announced that two plus two is the square root of negative seventeen, which isn't even a real number. She's just that persuasive.

"Mom?" Dib's eyes grew larger, if that were possible.

"Son!" Marisu embraced the boy, turning on the water works once more. Or whatever Irken tears are made of.

Somewhere on the other side of the bench, Gaz snorted.


	2. Mary Sues Are Yummy

A/N: This should be obvious, but I need to make it clear that this is not a satire of any one story in particular. It combines different aspects of many of the Mary Sues I've read. 

BTW, the reviewers who said that Marisu wasn't complete without a stupid SIR will like this chapter, I think. :)

Let's recap: Mary Sue is the Tallests' daughter who came to Earth to escape from Tak, who wants her dead (hey, I don't blame her...uh, I mean...that's **horrible**!) She and Zim seem to like each other, and she has recently told Dib that she's his mother (gasp!) And did I mention she gets straight A's? Oh yeah, and she's psychic too. No wait, maybe I'm getting mixed up with another fancharacter.

We now continue . . .

Eventually, Marisu noticed Gaz sitting on the bench next to Dib. "What's the matter, Gaz?" she asked with syrupy sweet concern. "You seem so unhappy."

"Yeah, so?"

"So is there anything I can do to help you feel better? I'm your mother too, you know."

"Phhh . . . You think being a blood relative changes anything?"

The sensitve Irken thought for a moment. "Maybe not, but there must be something I can do to cure your disease of unhappiness. Hmmmm . . ." Marisu's twinkly eyes suddenly lit up. Good thing Gaz was already squinting. "I know! How would you like a new video game? Video games are the answer to all the world's problems, y'know." She pulled a cartridge out of her pocket and handed it to the human, whose light brown eyes snapped open.

"Vampire Piggy Hunter IV: Death to All Piggies. This hasn't even been released yet!" She looked at the older girl with a mixture of awe and admiration, and at that moment Marisu knew she had her completely under her control. Like giving cookies to a puppy, it was. Gaz actually allowed herself a smile. "You're the best, Mom."

To which Marisu replied, "I know."

She spread her thin arms and wrapped them around the pale girl. (The author is once again getting nauseous . . . The things I do for laughs.) Marisu was just starting to get warm fuzzies when she felt a light tap on her . . . (hm, I'm running out of adjectives) . . . sleek shoulder.

"Hey Marisu...I mean, Mom...are we aliens?" Dib piped up.

"You're, um, half Irken. Yes, that's it!" She ruffled his spiky hair.

The young paranormalist was more perplexed than ever. "Then why don't I look Irken?"

"What's this I hear!" cried Zim, storming over to the little "family reunion," thus saving Marisu from having to come up with an answer. Who knows where Zim's been all this time; probably playing duck duck goose or something similarly out of character. "I finally find someone I like more than ZIM, and here I find out she's spawned my WORST ENEMY?"

"Zim . . ." said Marisu softly, in effort to placate the irate Irken.

Unable to hear her above his own ranting, he continued, "HOW could someone so BEAUTIFUL produce someone so HIDEOUS!"

"He must get it from Dad," Gaz quipped. "Why do you think he wears that collar over his face?"

Zim still wasn't listening. "I trusted you, Marisu! How could you keep something like this from Zi-iiim? I feel so betrayed!"

"ZIM! It is _not_ my fault Dib's your enemy, okay? Besides, like I said before, you should try to destroy that wretched Tak, not each other! And after you do that, you should team up and get revenge on all the earth children who are soooo mean to you!" Marisu beamed proudly as if no one had ever thought of this before.

The small Irken blinked. "Oh! Thank you for showing me the error of my ways! What was I thinking? You're right, I should team up with the Dib human! What do you say, Dib?"

The human shrugged. "If Marisu...er, Mom says we should, who am I to argue?"

That afternoon found Marisu, Zim, Dib, and Gaz in front of Zim's house.

"What theHow did we get here! WHY are we here!" cried Dib, casting a nervous glance at the spooky lawn gnomes.

"Oh relax, Dibby, you're so paranoid!" Marisu said fondly. "It was MY ingenious idea for all of us to come here, remember? That way we can all prepare for when Tak comes!"

"All right, if you say so," Dib responded, giving in to numb submission. Then he added, "Do you know when she'll get here?"

"Well, no, not even I know everything." Her little admirers let out a collective gasp! "But, I _do_ know that she'll come when we least expect it!" Her aesthetically pleasing eyes narrowed and shifted from side to side. Then she brightened. "Zim, are you going to let us in or are we all going to stand here till the quaggas come home?"

"Oh!" Zim seemed to snap out of a trance and quickly opened the door. Once inside, he removed his wig and contacts, causing Gaz to draw a noisy, melodramatic breath.

"You'reyou're an ALIEN!"

Zim was quite puzzled by this overreaction. "Haven't you seen me without my disguise?"

"Oh YEAH!" Gaz smacked the side of her head. "Brain fart!"

Everyone stared at her like she was a total loon.

"Well, Gaz gets the OOC award for today," observed Marisu, switching her own disguise off.

Ah, behold Marisu in all her royal Irken glory! With her irridescent violet-red eyes, and her long, sexy antennae, etc, etc, you get the picture.

Zim summed it up with, "You look great."

"Yes, don't I?" The enchanting female ran a claw over her curly antennae. "Now then, let's have a snack, and th-"

"OooooOOOOOOoooo!" came a high-pitched squeal. Yup, it was Gir. He stuck his head out from under the couch cushions where he'd been hiding for whatever reason. "I wanna taco n' some Acne Blast!" he called.

"Awwwww, he's so kyoot!" Marisu gushed. "I wish I had a SIR just like that!"

"Where _is_ your SIR, anyway?" asked Zim.

"Sadly, she was eaten by a giant blob thing. It was very traumatic."

Before she could start crying for her lost SIR, Zim made an offer. "I could make you a new one."

"SQUEE! Could you really!"

"Of course! Since you like mine so much, I'll just make a copy and give it to you."

"You can do that?"

"Oh yes."

Marisu clapped her gloved hands, overjoyed that she would have her very own copy of Gir just like all the other non-canon Invaders. "Can we do it NOW!"

"If you wish. GIR! Come with Zim to . . . the copy machine!"

"The copy machine?" Dib hadn't had any lines in a while, and he thought he would explode into itty bitty chunks if he didn't say something soon. "That's the best name you could come up with?"

"Silence, squirmy meat boy!"

"Guys . . ." Marisu warned.

"Eh, don't worry about it, Marisu...uh, Mom," said Gaz. She'd had even less lines than her brother, and being out of character, she felt left out. "Believe it or not, they're happier when they're bagging on each other."

"But they're supposed to get along perfectly now that I'm here to turn their lives around!" the desirable Irken huffed.

Gaz shrugged.

A few minutes later, Marisu and those other characters that aren't that important anymore gathered around the copy machine in Zim's lab. Not surprisingly, it resembles a huge Xerox copier. Hey, there are already so many cliches in this story, I figured one more couldn't hurt.

Zim threw some packets of taco sauce on top of the machine, and when Gir jumped up to grab them, he slammed the lid down on the robot.

"Now, watch and be amazed!" cried Zim, pressing the start button.

The copier made a whirring noise, a beam of light passed beneath the lid, and an exact reproduction of Gir hopped out of the machine's side. Well, actually, it wasn't an _exact_ reproduction. It seemed fairly grainy and rough around the edges, because, as everyone knows, a copy is never as good as the original.

"I'm a daddy!" Gir shouted gleefully, peeking out from under the lid.

"Hm, yes, I suppose you are," Marisu mused. Bending toward the newly formed android, she cooed, "Well hewwo dare, wittle guy! You are so kyoot, yessu are!"

"Yeah! Wee hee hoo! And other random stuffs!" yelled the SIR.

Marisu laughed as if this were the funniest thing since sliced bread.

"Oh Gir, you are so FUNNY! . . . Wait, I can't call you Gir, that'd be too confusing. How 'bout I call you . . . Gir the Second!"

Everyone applauded the fair young Irken for her originality.

SUDDENLY, the side door of the copy machine slammed open, and out jumped two figures.

"What's this!" shouted a surprised Zim. "The machine was set to make only one copy!"

"Fool!" one of the figures replied with a British sounding accent. "I was in the copy machine the whole time!"

Ha! I love that gag! Heh heh, heh . . . Okay, so maybe it's not that funny when I do it. Meh, anyway.

"I KNEW IT!" shouted Marisu.

"No you didn't," said one of the Girs. (Pick one. I don't care.)

"That's right, go ahead and lie, Marisu," the purple-eyed Irken sneered. "That's all you're good for."

Marisu was aghast. "Why, I never!"

"Leave Marisu ALONE, evil Tak thing! Computer! Can you not see that there are intruders in the base!"

"Uh, yeah, I knew," droned the computer. "But she said she'd give me monies if I kept quiet . . . Sorry."

"You BRIBED my COMPUTER?"

"Yes, it was quite simple really. Good work, computer, here are your monies." She tossed a few coins at the nearest monitor.

"Uh, thanks . . ." the computer said uncertainly as the coins clattered to the floor.

"You're welcome. Time now for me to capture Pikachu...er, Marisu, and take her to my base, so I can drop her into a vat of barbeque sauce and laugh as it slowly eats away at her flesh! Ta ta!" At this, smoke began to pour out of Mimi's head. You didn't know she could do that, did you? Well, it's MY story, so she CAN!

The smoke filled the room, as did Tak's annoying high-pitched laugh. Zim ordered the computer to turn the vents on, but by the time the smoke cleared, Tak and Mimi had gone, along with Marisu.

Gaz coughed a little. "That was weird."

"Yeah," Dib agreed with raised eyebrow, "I can't believe Tak said 'ta ta.'"

Zim glared sharp, pointy thingies at both of them (yep, he has pointy thingy vision in this story. Woot!) "Have your brain meats been ravaged by worms! Didn't you hear what she said!"

"I know, she's going to dissolve her in barbeque sauce," Gaz stated. "I guess we have save her since the plot revolves around her and all. Hmm, I wonder if Tak's stupid enough to use her old base?"

Yup, apparently she was. She had her reasons, thoughwhere else was she going to get that much barbeque sauce?

Tak had put a dampener on Marisu's Pak, preventing her from using her robot legs and other such appendages. She then attached a cable to Marisu's silver spotted Pak in order to hang her dramatically over an enormous vat of barbeque sauce.

As the lovely Irken was hoisted over the burning liquid, Tak grinned sadistically, and asked (in typical "bad guy" manner), "Any last words before you meet your doom?"

"Yes," said Marisu (no duh!) "You probably expect me to be all scared and beg for mercy, but I will not give you the satisfaction, because I am a brave, dignified, yet somehow helpless Damsel in Distress. Besides, Zim will come and rescue me, and even if he doesn't, he'll at least kick your sorry behind AGAIN after mourning over my gorgeous dead body."

Tak pulled a face. "You know something, you are SICK! SICK, I SAY!"

"Oh look who's talking, Miss I'm-going-to-kill-the-most-amazing-Irken-in-the-universe-just-because-I'm-jealous!"

"I AM NOT JEALOUS! I'm only doing this because you're so bloody ANNOYING, and because I'm sick and tired of all you 'original characters' trying to replace me! There is only enough room for ONE Mary Sue on this show: ME!"

The Damsel was all confuzzled (heh, confuzzled. Is that even a real word?) "Your name's not Mary Sue . . ."

"Not so fast, Tak!" a familiar voice rang out above their curly antennae. The female Irkens looked up and saw Zim standing on a conveniently placed catwalk, accompanied by Dib, Gaz, Gir, and Gir the Second.

"You need to work on your heroic catch phrases, Zim," said . . . oh, I'll let you figure it out. "That one's been done. And besides, what bad timing. They were in the middle of an interesting conversation!"

"How can you concern yourself with 'catch phrases' at a time like this!"

While they argued, the Tallests' daughter flashed a triumphant grin at the female Invader wanna-be. "See! I told you he'd come and save me!"

Tak screamed in rage as the glare from Marisu's teeth blinded her. "You'll PAY for that!" She pulled a lever, releasing the cable that held Marisu. As the attractive female fell toward the toxic sauce, Zim shouted, "GIR! Catch her!"

The original Gir's eyes flashed red as he flew to Marisu and caught her just before she hit the sauce.

"Good work, Gir," said Zim. How often has he said _that?_ "Now, bring her to Zim so we can all get out of here!" Gir did another amazing thing: he obeyed his master twice in a row! Probably because the author is too lazy to think of another way to move the plot along.

Zim and Marisu embraced. "Oh Zim, I knew you'd come! You're my hero!" As she bent to kiss the short Irken, the infinite energy absorbing blob thingy appeared out of nowhere. Without hesitation it grabbed Marisu and popped her into its mouth.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" cried Zim. He would have used many exclaimation points to indicate his horror, but this website won't allow that anymore. "Bad energy absorbing thingy! BAD! I command you to spit her out THIS INSTANT!"

The blob thing simply belched in response, then left as quickly and inexplicably as it had arrived.

Oh no, Marisu's dead! Aren't you just so incredibly SAD! The characters expressed their grief in various different ways.

"I finally met my real mom, only to see her get EATEN a few hours later! Why is life so cruel!"

"Aw, now she can't give me any more games."

"NO! Why did she do that! She gave her life for me!"

"No she didn't!"

"Yes she did! Didn't you see the way she **selflessly** LET the energy absorbing thingy eat her instead of ZIM! So NOBLE and COURAGEOUS!" Notice that Zim doesn't seem to care that he actually MADE that blob thing in the first place (see The Trial).

"I gots no strings t' hold me down, t' make me fret, or make me-" MiMi viciously tackled the Gir that DARED to sing a Disney song.

Having regained her vision, Tak just stood there gaping, still not quite believing what she'd seen a minute ago. Finally she shrugged. "Well, that's not how I thought it would go, but at least she's dead. Since the others are distracted, I might as well kill them too . . . Why am I talking out loud to myself? It's not like me to do that . . ."

She shook her head to clear it, then scuttled over to the compartment where she kept her REALLY BIG gun was hidden. Dib noticed her struggling to lift the gigantic weapon and shouted through his tears, "Look everyone! Tak has a really big gun!"

"No, it's a REALLY BIG gun, and I'm going to use it on your REALLY BIG head!"

"We'll see about that!" yelled Zim. Wow, he's sticking up for Dib? I guess he just hates Tak more. Or maybe the author's having trouble writing this part. Yeah, it's probably that.

"GIR! GIR THE SECOND! Swift double-team tackle high kick attack, NOW!" Surprisingly (or maybe not) the Girs understood the wordy nonsensical command. They charged at Mary Sue...I mean, Tak and MiMi; then they kicked them so hard they flew into the airthrough the roof, even! Man, they should play soccer. The last thing they heard from Tak was a faint "We're blasting off agaaaaain!" before she and her SIR disappeared into the sky with a "ting!"

"That was ridiculously easy," Dib remarked.

"Yes, I feel like they're going to come back and steal my Pikachu...er, my mission."

"Too bad the author can't write fight scenes to save her life."

The boys stared at Gaz, confused as monkeys in an algebra class. Gir the Second just grinned and said, "I like random stuffs. I gonna go do sumpin' stoopid wid Gir now! You are annoyed, yes?"

It was a sad, sad day in Ms. Bitter's class when Zim informed the students of their beloved classmate's death. Carl and Chunk held onto each other and cried. Sara fainted. Poonchy smiled victoriously and trotted back to the seat next to Zim.

Inevitably, an unfamiliar girl sauntered into the room. You see, for every Mary Sue that dies or leaves, a new one will take her place. It's a never ending cycle that will go on for eternity, as redundant as this sentence.

This particular girl wore a halter top and mini skirt to draw attention to her developing figure. Bitters took one look at her and said, "Child, that outfit is not appropriate for grade skool. Go straight to the office and see if they can find something MODEST for you to wear."

The student pouted. "Ms. Bitters," she said automatically knowing her name, "you spoiled my entrance!"

"Do I look like I care? Your newbie powers can only do so much, and they are not going to work this time. I will not have any hussies in my class!"

Dejectedly, the girl left the room. The boys were disappointed as well; she was a hottie.

Do not give up hope, boys. Another female student will arrive soon enough. She may not be as scantily clad, but in the realm of fanfiction, one never knows.

THE END . . . ?


End file.
